Not My Family: The Monique Smith Story Ending Explained And Movie Recap

Not My Family: The Monique Smith Story is about the quest of a woman in search of her true identity. The film begins with an exceptional scene where Monique is distributing a missing girl’s photo in the streets of New York, and when a woman asks her if she is looking for her daughter, she comments that she is looking for herself. Based on Monique Smith’s book “I Am the Ancestor: Before I Die, I Must Share My Story,” the opening scene does justice to establishing Monique as the person looking for her origin. Growing up, Monique always felt like she did not belong to her family; there was a sense of dejection from her mother, Elizabeth, and a whole episode of trauma that stemmed from being abused in the household because she was not “their real niece anyway.”

Spanning over almost fifty years starting from 1976, Monique’s tale is a true account of hardship, survival, and finally returning to her own roots. Let’s take a look at how this journey unfolds for Monique Smith.

Spoilers Ahead

Why Did Monique Think She Did Not Belong to Her Family?

Monique grew up in a large household with her grandmother, her mother Elizabeth, and three uncles, Nelson, Eddie, and Larry around. This may sound like a large network of support and care, but for Monique it was quite the opposite scenario. Her mother, Elizabeth, is what she describes as an “alpha” woman; she is one such mother who believes sparing the rod spoils the child and mercilessly beat Monique to the extent of it looking like serious abuse. Always walking  on eggshells, Monique is afraid of disappointing or setting her mother off. While she tries to find temporary respite in her uncles, they turn out to be equally abusive towards her.Given Monique’s vulnerable state, one of her uncles, Larry, steps in to offer her comfort. Only that instead of soothing a distressed child, the uncle starts taking advantage of the situation by sexually harassing her over and over. Eddie also joins in on this malicious abuse, and it keeps on happening till Monique leaves home. It is heartbreaking to see Monique being sandwiched like this with everyone in the family taking advantage of her situation. Especially when the abuses are coming wrapped in the token gesture of saving her from her mother’s torturous treatment, as her uncle kept saying that he is doing this to her so that she forgets about the bad day. Monique’s only respite is her grandmother, who loves and supports her unconditionally but could not do much for her nonetheless. She wants to get away from her family and go to college, but Monique does not have much possibility of her mother paying for her education. She applies to the army and waits for the acceptance letter to come in so that her college can be paid for. However, her mother tears off the letter behind her back and lies to her that she is not accepted. Monique finds the letter in the trash and later asks for her birth certificate and her social security card, which her mother refuses to give her. Monique’s situation continues to worsen, and she finally decides to leave home from this entanglement of trauma and abuse.

Where Does Monique Go Next?

Monique takes a bus from her hometown, Baltimore, and reaches St. Augustine. At St. Augustine Bus Station, a kind enough woman called Caroline takes her in, telling her she could have been her daughter. Monique has grown up in a depravity of maternal love, and any form and sign of motherly words or affection moves her. However, when Monique enters Caroline’s place, it turns out to be a place from where sex workers operate. Monique accepts her fate and starts living under Caroline’s roof, following her rules. It is unclear what she feels about this phase of her life since the film quickly moves to the next chapter, where she meets her future husband in a bar, and instead of taking him up as a client, asks him to take her out on a date. The two soon get married and start living as man and wife, and Monique conceives. However, survivors of abuse often unknowingly become a magnet for attracting abusers; Monique’s marriage does not last due to physical abuse, and she leaves her husband and arrives at her house heavily pregnant. It is difficult for her to return to the place of the origin of her trauma, but any other avenue felt closed off for a soon-to-become mother. Besides, she needed to be held and cared for; her house had her grandmother, who welcomed her in a warm embrace, but her mother was equally cold like before. Monique gives birth to her daughter Chrissy and, in a few months, gets a job. It is said that economic agency plays a big role in women’s autonomy, and it turns out to be true for Monique. She finds people she can confide in at work and also finds a house to move out to. It is in the new house that she meets Jonathan, who comes over to fix something but sort of ends up fixing her need for company. Jonathan and Monique start their longtime companionship and give birth to a son, Jonathan Jr. Monique’s life now feels full, and she is not in survival mode anymore. That’s when people start really looking back at their past, and that’s exactly what Monique does too. 

How Does Monique Find Out Her Real Family?

Monique’s doubt sprouted from the fact that she never saw her birth certificate, and her mother never told her the name of her father. When Chrissy is born, Monique asks for her own birth certificate from the hospital’s database under the name of Symbolie Monique Smith, and she never finds it. She searches for it in other towns’ databases, and no birth or death certificates are found. This raises her suspicion that she may have been a stolen baby. Monique’s mother’s friend Barbara confirms that Elizabeth did appear with Monique and without any explanation as to where she came from. Liz claimed that her biological mother is a drug addict and left Monique to Liz. She finds out that Symbolie—a name she never understood the meaning of—is merely her uncle’s way of spelling it. This gives a feeling of someone overwriting Monique’s whole life and her identity. Monique becomes determined to find out who her biological family is and takes help from an ancestry investigator. She takes multiple DNA tests, and also, to eradicate any biological possibility, matches her DNA with one of her uncles’ and finds out a zero match. After a long time in this process, one day she receives a call from the investigator who tells her that there has been a DNA match found that belongs to a certain Margaret who could have been her mother. 

What is the Real Story Behind Monique’s Estrangement?

Monique had spent a good part of her life looking for her roots, her origin story. And when she got really close to it, she had a whole new set of fears setting in. There was a sense of dread that she may be getting rejected by them or keeping the lead as a simple hope—a gift that one appreciates from a distance but never unwraps. However, Monique finally finds the courage to get in touch with Ruth Harrison, her alleged sister. Ruth does not care for knowing Monique’s identity; she simply asks for a picture. When Monique sends her a picture, Ruth shrieks in joy, telling her she is her little sister that she has been looking for all along. Not only Ruth, but also Monique has a large family of six sisters and nieces and nephews. When she meets Ruth, Ruth tells her the real story behind her estrangement. It is true that Monique’s mother was indeed a drug addict, but she merely gave Elizabeth to babysit her for a while when Elizabeth ran away with her. Monique’s name is Symbole, not Symbolie, and her mother never stopped looking for her until she died a few years later due to drug abuse. The revelation that she was not abandoned but in fact looked out for brings Monique to a closure. By this time, Liz has passed away, and so did her grandmother, so Monique has severed all ties with her old family. In this act, Monique really finds her people, who welcome her with open arms. The film concludes with a heartwarming homecoming party for Monique thrown by her sisters and their children with lots of food, merriment, and happiness in sight!

The real-life symbol Monique Smith is now fifty-nine years old and lives happily with her four children. She also founded a nonprofit organization that helps missing people find their families in 2013. Monique’s journey is inspirational to people, and she regularly speaks at schools, events, and community centers, narrating her journey from abuse to the light of finding herself. 

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