Gender-based violence starts long before the fatal blow

Gender-based violence is not driven by sudden rage, but by long-standing patterns of entitlement and emotional dysregulation formed over years. Without early intervention, the cycle becomes hard to break and can ultimately turn fatal, writes Adjunct Professor Dr Prem Kumar Shanmugam.

The recent rise in femicide and gender-based violence in Malaysia has unsettled many of us, not only because of the brutality of these crimes, but because more cases involve increasingly younger perpetrators.

While these incidents may appear as isolated acts of evil, in my experience as a counselling psychologist, gender-based violence is rarely the result of a single trigger.

It is the convergence of psychological vulnerabilities and social conditioning – what we term psychosocial factors – that gradually shape harmful beliefs and behaviours over time.

Many perpetrators struggle with insecurity, shame, jealousy and fear of abandonment. Control becomes a way of managing overwhelming emotions and, over time, functions as a defence mechanism. When someone lacks the skills to process distress in healthy ways, domination can feel like stability. Violence then becomes an attempt to reclaim power.

Layered onto this is a deep-rooted sense of entitlement. Historically and culturally, men have often been positioned as dominant, stronger and more deserving of obedience. While societies have evolved, remnants of these hierarchies remain embedded in family systems, social expectations and even casual conversations. When dominance is normalised, resistance can be perceived as a threat.

Cultural minimisation of abuse further compounds the problem. Add financial stress, unemployment and shifting social roles, and the conditions are created for fragile identities to harden into aggression and bullying behaviour.

Why younger men are escalating to violence

An especially troubling pattern is the age of some recent perpetrators. Young men today are growing up in a radically different ecosystem from previous generations.

Digital exposure plays a significant role. Many adolescents spend more time constructing identities online than interacting in the physical world. This creates what is often referred to as digital dualism – the belief that one can behave one way online and another way offline.

Patterns rehearsed in digital spaces, including aggression, dehumanisation and coercion, can seep into real-life relationships. Social comparison pressure further fuels insecurity.

Young men are bombarded with curated images of success and hyper-masculinity. When they feel they cannot measure up, some respond by asserting control in the only spaces where they feel powerful – within relationships.

Gender-based violence rarely erupts spontaneously. In most cases, it follows a predictable escalation. Jealousy becomes monitoring, monitoring becomes threats, and threats become coercion. Without early intervention, the cycle becomes difficult to break and can ultimately turn fatal.

Children are also shaped profoundly by the environments in which they grow up. Family dynamics model what love, conflict and power look like. Decades of behavioural research, including twin studies, demonstrate that while biology plays a role, environment strongly influences how attitudes and behaviours develop.

If a child grows up in a household where dominance is equated with masculinity and submission with femininity, these harmful gender norms become internalised. When boys are not taught to identify and regulate their emotions, anger becomes one of the few socially acceptable outlets. Over time, that emotional illiteracy can evolve into abusive behaviour.

The digital acceleration

Today’s digital environment introduces another accelerant: AI-generated sexualised content and misogynistic online ecosystems. Artificial intelligence has made hyper-realistic sexual imagery widely accessible.

When women’s bodies are manipulated, commodified and circulated without consent, dehumanisation becomes normalised. Pornified expectations, increasingly amplified through AI tools, shape distorted perceptions about intimacy and entitlement.

The more time young people spend immersed in these environments, the more detached they may become from real-world empathy and social skills.

Malaysia is currently debating restrictions on social media use for those under 16. While the impulse is understandable, history shows that total prohibition often drives behaviour underground rather than eliminating it.

Instead of relying solely on restriction, harm-reduction strategies should be adopted. Parental controls, platform accountability and digital literacy education are likely to be more sustainable than blanket bans. Most importantly, education must begin early and continue consistently. Awareness takes time, but without it, regulation remains reactive rather than preventive.

If we are serious about addressing gender-based violence, action must take place across three fronts:

Children mature earlier and are exposed to complex content at younger ages. Emotional intelligence, healthy relationship skills, consent and bodily autonomy should form part of the national curriculum.

Educate young people about laws and policies that affect them.

When children understand the purpose of legal protections and digital regulations, they are more likely to internalise boundaries rather than view them as arbitrary control.

Children spend a significant portion of their formative years in schools, surrounded by peers and educators who shape their understanding of relationships, conflict and boundaries. Early intervention at home, in classrooms and online is far more effective than reacting only after harm has occurred.

Gender-based violence is not driven by sudden rage, but by long-standing patterns of entitlement and emotional dysregulation formed over years. If we teach boys and girls how to process emotions, resolve conflict and respect autonomy, these patterns can be disrupted before they escalate.

Dr Prem Kumar Shanmugam is an accredited clinical psychotherapist, counselling psychologist and clinical supervisor. He is the founder of the Solace Wellbeing Group.

The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the writer and do not necessarily represent that of Twentytwo13.